How to be a cruise ship lecturer

On each cruise, there is a lecturer. I am one of those speakers. It might seem easy, but the selection process to be on the ship is interesting as well as discerning. First, I had to think about my topic. I have had a life-long interest in comedy, earning income in the 1980s from writing jokes for both radio and commercial television, but eventually conceded that I was not good enough to make it my full-time job. My series of cruise talks was to be on the theme of ‘They Made Us Laugh’. Pam and I have been on many P&O cruises, so it was natural to apply to them first.

They have forms to complete online, but so they eliminate many I had to provide not only two references from speaker secretaries who had previously booked me, but also a video of me on stage. This cost me £150 from a local professional company who recorded me at my Royal Hippodrome for an hour or so, editing down to five minutes.

Ten people were called to Carnival’s…